Mother’s Day

I need to be honest: I have a hard time with this day.

Overall, I feel very lucky to have two lovely daughters. My life would not be as rich as it has been had I not had these two angels bless me with their presence.

I realize what a gift this is … I do. And I express gratitude every, single day. And … it’s not an easy role … it’s just not.

The mother-daughter dynamic can be tricky. There are ancestral binds, and feminine lineage stories that travel back years and years, generations upon generations.

This all-important day – for me, is hard. And I’m sure it’s hard for others too … for various reasons. It’s not a Hallmark Day, for me, it’s a day to reflect. Hear me out if you’re open.

I don’t have the relationship I always wanted with my mother. Most likely never will. But who does? Anyone?

Years ago, I anguished and cried, and got sick before she came to visit me. I would get so angry while she was around; consistently criticizing everything I did, pointing out the places where I fell short, and never really providing a sense of pride or even safety for me. When she would leave, I would cry and stay in bed for days. Days.

When I went to her with troubles, she would say, “I am sure you can figure this one out Dana.” For so long, I just felt ... motherless.

Of course, as I’ve gotten older, I can see where her “tough love” came from. I’ve done a ton of work: talk therapy, Constellation family therapy, psychedelics, Shamanic healing, name it .. I’ve tried it.

I should say that I’ve done the work because I love her. I really wanted to investigate the issues, giving me a chance of not repeating them.

But I must be honest and admit that some of that “run off” resentment landed in my own circle of raising my two daughters. This is how it works. No one is perfect.

We try to do things differently and we do, to some degree, but those lines of ancestral beliefs, well, some of them are hard to wiggle free from.

The one thing that did work was acceptance.

Just accepting her and allowing her to be who she is, while living my life. This has been easy with space and time. Creating compassionate, loving boundaries, while re-membering not to take things personally.

My mother is getting older now, my oldest daughter lives away from home, and my youngest is about to go to college. It’s a new chapter. One that I’d like to think will offer more insight, more love, and more liberation from the chapter before.

I am sharing this for a few reasons.

One is – if this story resonates with you, I hope it helps you.

I hope you feel better about not having this ideal relationship with your Mother. It’s OK! **

I hope you understand that you WILL repeat patterns … you will! Just do your best in love and devotion to your life.

I hope you see that it’s not you. You are enough.

Did you hear me? You are enough.

Your mother loves you – she just wants more for you than she had herself. She’s got her own demons and patterns that she may never, and I mean never, work on in this lifetime. Therapy is a generational thing … sometimes it’s just not part of a belief system.

Even so, that doesn’t give anyone a pass to treat you in a way that is less than you desire.

There ARE ways to speak and hold space for yourself, for her, and this very delicate relationship. I haven’t gotten it right every time, but I try. And that’s all we can do: as mothers, as daughters, as humans.

Here are a few things that work for me:

• Do the work.

• Hold your heart in its highest light.

• Notice when you’re triggered. Ask why? Dig deep.

• Accept that some people aren’t willing to go into the pain with you. This is YOUR responsibility, not theirs.

• Make the necessary adjustments you need to create peace and harmony in your life.

• Love unconditionally … period.

Always remember … we choose our parents, so what have you learned? What is the reflection? What is the gift? How can you see that she showed up exactly the way she was supposed to?

Get there and all will be well.