The girls and I moved into a new home this past weekend that offers us so much more space.  People would come over and say, “Wow look at all this space!”  And I found myself, in those moments, wanting to justify and explain, why the space.  As if we didn’t deserve it or something.  I continually go to the root of things though … that’s just who I am.  So I had to think about it for a moment.  What do I do when I am given more space to create, breathe, share and love? 

Apparently, I felt like I didn’t deserve it. 

So this made me look at what we do when we have space. 

I was watching the Full Moon the other night with a friend and felt very small. We were sitting on a hilltop, looking over the cities of Tiburon, Sausalito, San Francisco, and Oakland. The bay was shrouded in clouds and fog, but still shone so brightly. The cloud cover added such a sense of majestic mystery to this eclipse, that I felt like I should have been paying an admission fee to someone for the show.

This show, that I call my life. This movie that is full of infinite lessons, challenges, initiations, triumphs and epic transitions. This box office blockbuster.

Holy shit .. can I just say that please?  Because that is the only phrase that has rolled off my tongue so easily in conversation this past week!  Wow!  We are being asked to expand big time.

Do you feel it?  Are you feeling pulled? Constricted?  Weepy?  Have you emotionally vomited for no apparent reason?  Felt like you’re being ushered into a new reality?

That’s because you are … whether you know it or not, whether you are accepting of it or not, whether you want to or not, you are.  And shit’s getting real.

There are times in my life when I sit back and ponder.  In fact, truth be told, I ponder a lot, maybe a bit excessively, but it’s been so worth it.  I call it a spiritual time-out.  There’s nothing like it … just sitting.  Who DOES that?  

The theme started out as trust, which is such an epic word. But I wanted to go deeper than trust. Deeper than intellectual thought. Deeper than what we think we know to be true.

The word trust provokes emotion in some people, namely me. Divine guidance on the other hand, makes me feel like I’m only part human and mostly fairy dust. Which on some days, is much easier than being human.

I’m having a really hard time adjusting to this “default-world” that you hear Burners talk about.  What a flipping default world it is.  That phrase holds so much meaning and makes me laugh out loud now.  And as I transition myself from an existence where people hug, connect, love, kiss, share infinite time, help each other, share truths, and fly by their intuition, into this “default reality” of schedules and work and kids and sports and “to-do’s” really has this recovering Type-A annoyed.

And I have an AMAZING life with EPIC changes coming up that I am so excited about!  And in this moment, still, I am annoyed.  Guess I’m still struggling with “embracing it all."

It’s unbelievable really … but then again, it’s really not. I’ve had this photo on my iPhone for over a year now.  A replaca of Truth around my neck for almost two years.  Of course I get to share my love of yoga on the Playa, at the feet of The Woman, surrounded by epic people in a sphere of aliveness and conscious connection.

I write about gratitude a lot it seems. Actually, it’s a great topic to revisit over and over again because in my humble opinion, it’s easy to forget to be grateful. It’s easy to get caught up in the drama or mundane activities in life and forget to give thanks.

I send this out to all women who are ready for partnership. Not because they need it or they are not whole without it, but because they know, deep in their bones, that when they thrive, the planet thrives.  They know that it is the way of the Divine Feminine and Sacred Masculine to BE in partnership.  They understand that the way of a patriarchal society is over and we are calling our partners home.

You know … I looked up compassion because I just had to. It said:

sympathetic pity and concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others;
pity, sympathy, empathy, care, concern, mercy, tolerance

Again, I would like to add to this if that is possible. How about:

recognizing that “you” and “I” are the same? That if we are truly living in compassion,then we subscribe to the fact that we are all One. That there is no separation and no such thing as duality. And that when we damn someone else, we are actually damning ourselves. And that when we look into the eyes of another, if we stare just long enough, we see ourselves.

I wrote this blog last night and then completely changed it this morning as the ultimate test of my own integrity came into play … as the themes always do

This word, oh this word.  Since it came into my awareness over 10 days ago, I feel like I have been rung through the ringer.  And it hasn’t been just me either.  I’ve been witness to emails, Facebook messages, texts and phone calls from people going through the same thing … Relationship issues. 

I’ve been thinking a lot about the word tribe over the past week.  I just got back from my annual trip to Wanderlust in Squaw Valley and that word simply encompasses how I feel the minute I step foot into that festival.

In this tipping point, at the pinnacle of light and dark, may you celebrate in wonderment, all the transformations taking place in your life right now.  May you look at the road behind you with satisfaction, respect, and gratitude.  May you look forward at the road ahead, perhaps not knowing exactly where you’re going, but heading upward with trust, devotion, and love.

The other day, I’m in the car with my youngest daughter and she asks me, “Mom, is there an end to the sky?”  And I said … “Um no honey.  It’s infinite.”  And she says … “Infinite… like energy?”  And I say, “Yup, just like that.”  And she sat there for quite awhile looking up and out of the sunroof.  As if she was trying to figure it all out.

We didn’t talk that much after that but I could tell the wheels were turning.

I have written about freedom several times now and it’s fun to look back and re-read how I defined freedom on various occasions, along the timeline of my life.

I’m not surprised I like to write about freedom or that it evolves each time I come to it; I mean the word is tattooed on my arm.  Apparently on some level it is important to me.

This time around I want to say this:  freedom is a state of mind.