Today, a monumental day; one that I honestly thought we would be celebrating the first female President and instead, I am immobilized and cannot even feel my own body. The tears won’t stop and anger wells up in my body. And at the same time I am so full of love for my children that it’s all overwhelming.
My throat hurts, my head hurts, my body tingles and my mind is racing. I’m on the verge of tears and want to scream at the top of my lungs: “How the fuck did we get here? What the hell people?” I wish I had a punching bag to work out my rage at all the injustice in this world; a home large enough to house and hold every hurting soul; and a mind and heart that were in such connection, that I truly could SEE past my human experience right now. I wish I could look at this and honestly say,
It’s all going to be okay.
Because even though I know it will at some point, right now … right now … all of this sucks. And the layers as to why and how it all sucks, run so blessed deep it’s a hot freaking mess.
Honestly, I am stunned and in such a state of grief for so many reasons and on so many levels; the reality of all this is completely surreal. It’s hard for me to put all of this into words but to sum it up:
My heart is aching more than it has in many, many years.
And at the same time, I have never, EVER been more motivated to DO SOMETHING.
I have truth, freedom and love tattooed on my arm so I see it every single day. So I am reminded of this path. May my path be THAT and not some inauthentic, prophetic story; or some spiritual bypassing script that keeps everything in what looks like balance; or worse yet, some ego driven motivation that brings me some type of recognition or acknowledgment.
This is what I am feeling, and this is truth.
I cry for my daughters mostly, that this is their experience. I cry because they came home from school because everyone was mad and their little energy bodies couldn’t take it. I cry because I really wanted a female President I myself could look up to … and Hilary wasn’t it.
I know on some level that this is what was supposed to happen and that, in and of itself, rocks me to my core. When I rise above my ego, I can see that maybe, just maybe, we were meant to truly SEE what is happening and not be distracted by the fact that we had a woman President. I mean, that may have distracted us for another 4 years to what is really going on here. The excitement of having a woman President really had us all looking to her as a symbol of righteousness and equality; as if that was going to make everything right.
And on some levels it would have.
I wanted that so badly … to set an example. I wanted Trump to be out of my reality to be honest. He brought up so much that rattles my cage. He makes me sick, the way he talks about women, and how he treats other people, and how he can make statements and decisions from such a low vibration, and uneducated place. How in the hell would he ever be elected President. And these are my triggers and the triggers or many women AND men on this planet – let’s be honest.
But what example was I looking for honestly? A women who herself was corrupt and not laced in truth, freedom and love? Was she the consolation prize to Trump? I could have sat through four years of her – sure no problem
But honestly, we are still (to my dismay), looking outside of ourselves, for someone to fix things for us. We are still seeing others as separate from us. We are allowing ourselves to still, even NOW, point the finger outward.
So here we are … Trump is President and in this human experience, it’s sickening. It’s stupid, disgraceful, awful, so unbelievably messed up … yes …
But let’s try this …
I mean, what if … just what if … the darkness has so fully stepped into the light that there is nothing, and I mean nothing, that can hide it, nothing that can mask it. It’s like making friends with your enemy just so you can see what will happen.
It’s allowing to dark to come into the light so we can fully see it, exposed, raw, real, personal, undeniable, and then recognize two things. One, that which we see in others, also lives within our selves. And two, how we ourselves can rise above it, individually and as a collective.
I’m all about owning the darkness and knowing it is part of who we are – and in order to truly be whole we must embrace both sides. And … here it is.
Trump is President.
We as a county are forced to embrace this darkness. This man who honestly, when I listen to him, makes me want to vomit.
But maybe we have turned away from this for too long. Maybe this is the Goddess Kali asking us to come out of hiding and recognize truth, freedom, and love … for real. And not be hopeful that a woman for President will save us all… maybe that was not her job.
Maybe we are being called to find within ourselves that power of truth that fuels our purpose to make things right. Maybe we are being called to a higher version of ourselves that stands up and is heard. Maybe we are being asked to stop hiding and BE who we are meant to be with NOTHING holding us back…
I’m ready … I have been for quite some time. And now, I’m mad … but I’m passionate and my actions will come from a place that is
driven from love for self and generations that come after me.
I am not afraid … that’s for sure. I’m not afraid of what Trump thinks he can do. Not much scares me these days anymore. No … fear is not in my vocabulary. However, I despise him and how he treats women. His actions exemplify the most inappropriate behavior on Earth and he is President … it’s unfathomable. And for some reason … he’s here … in the light. So I search for compassion for him, for our country and for myself.
I am upset at the division and separation this country is experiencing. At the decisions being made out of fear and greed. At how we have turned our gaze away from the awful realities that have brought us to such a state of ignorance it’s sickening. I am so angry that we are in this position period.
And I want to say, with my rose colored glasses on – given all that ….
Let’s stay in the vibration of love.
And yes, while I still believe that, I also feel like the necessity of moving through everything else that comes up is so important and powerful right now. We must process this on a level that is personal, individual, and then connect outward into our homes, our families and our communities. So cry, get angry, scream, run, make love, be ALIVE right now … but do not be tempted to point the finger out…. Not even once. Do your thing and process it as your path … I’m serious.
We are to up-level everything we know.
To connect beyond our vision, judgment, and expectation.
To BE love, compassion, grace, and strength.
To function at a level that is higher than we thought possible.
I for one have been ready for this for quite some time. This is what yoga and spiritual activism is about. This is THE wake up call people … THE loud wake up call that you cannot and should not (yes I said should) ignore.